Yesterday, Deb asked me if I would like to go see Beyan and bring Christmas gifts to the kids. My immediate reponse: "Umm, YEAH!" (Everyone knows I can never resist a Beyan-visit!)
When we arrived at the orphanage, Sarah was the first kid to come up to us. Right away, Deb and I started oohing and aahing over how much she'd grown. Moses showed up next, followed by a giggly Koiboi. And then I saw Beyan, in his telltale red and black striped jersey, poke his head around the corner and give me a shy little smile. Immediately, I called him over to me and gave him a huge hug (I have to say--there's nothing like a snuggly Beyan-hug! It's one of my favorite things in the world!) He, of course, was his usual frisky, mischievous self; every time I pulled out my camera, he'd start "bluffing", acting all serious and doing his best to hold back his smile:
Then I'd make a funny face or pull him close and poke his belly, and he'd dissolve into giggles again.
Later, as I watched him laughing and playing with his friends, I was struck (yet again) by how much of a change I see in him. When I think of the Beyan I first met in 2008, I remember a pathetic, frail, hungry and neglected little boy. I remember a boy who didn't smile, didn't talk, who just sat in the dirt and stared at me with the saddest eyes I think I've ever seen. Those eyes haunted me; those eyes are one of the reasons I came back to Liberia.
Today, the Beyan I saw had no more sadness in his eyes. His belly was full of rice, and there was a light and a joy in him that was never there before. As he handed me three pink flowers he picked off a bush, I felt like my heart was going to explode with happiness. And, when I knelt down and looked into his eyes and asked him, "Beyan, do you know that I love you?", he smiled and nodded yes!
I know that, as much as I joke about Beyan being my "son", and even though the kids call me his "ma", he is not my own. I know the day will come when I will have to say goodbye, and I know it will tear my heart apart. Until then, I will cherish days like this one, moments of laughter and hugs and love. They're what keep me here.
Tear My Heart is the beautiful song from the novel of the same name
ReplyDeleteDon't tear my heart its not made of paper
Don't tear my heart, I can't stand the pain
Give me your love, now and forever
Don't tear my heart, I'll never love again